Toy Cleaning and Maintenance

[Header Image Description: A light pink dildo, the Fun Factory Bouncer, under a stream of water.]

So, you’ve got yourself a new sex toy, and you want to keep it clean! A good dildo should theoretically last you a lifetime, so I would recommend looking after it properly to get the most use out of it. Even if you’ve bought a vibrator with a motor will eventually give out, you still want to make sure you don’t prematurely end your time with it. This cleaning and maintenance guide only applies to body-safe toys, because unsafe toys are more volatile and can’t be cleaned.

Dying For A Fuck: Sex With Degenerative Disabilities

[Header Image Description: A pale-skinned hand in a black wrist brace and with red nail polish holding a rainbow Vixen Creations Mustang and a gold Godemiche Ambit.]

I feel like I have to rewrite everything I’ve ever posted on my blog. I started my blog in 2016, and I had been having physical health issues for about a year at the time, but I was still mostly ambulant, and my pain was fairly mild. (Of course, when I say “mild”, I was at a constant 3/10 on the pain scale, as opposed to my current baseline of 6/10.) Most of my focus was on learning how my body functioned as a trans person, and disability didn’t really seem to factor into that. Now disability is almost all that I think about and it affects every part of my life.  In 2016, I was not yet diagnosed. Now, eight months into 2018, I am collecting diagnoses likes scout badges. My most debilitating conditions, h-EDS and MS, are degenerative. My body, my abilities, and my access needs are completely different to what they were two years ago. I’m sure that things will be just as different in another two years, in another five years, in another 20.

Spanking, Chapter Two: Breakup Bruises

[Header Image Description: My light skinned hand holding my KinkNerdToys Glitter Riding Crop, a small rug beater style impact toy with a glittery rainbow handle. The riding crop is resting on my thigh, which is covered with a pair of red boxers. My thigh tattoo is visible. I am sitting on a light blue floral bedspread.]

‘On Friday I broke up with my partner of almost 3 years. Her feelings towards me are no longer romantic, and I decided that it would be best for me to transition our relationship from partners to best friends. When we were having our discussion about what was happening with our relationship, I was trying hard not to shut down and turn in on myself, like I often do during difficult situations. I needed something to keep me in the moment, and to release some of the emotions I was holding back. It was like a loop playing in my head: I needed to be spanked.

I’m lucky that the physical intimacy I share with my best friend isn’t going to change an awful lot from when we were dating, so I was able to ask for this from her. I don’t feel perfect now, but I think the spanking pushed me some of the way to okay-ness. Dissociating and shutting down wouldn’t have been good for either of us, so I’m glad that I found a somewhat healthy way to deal with my emotions. So why did I turn to spanking in one of the most difficult moments of my adult life?

Dicking Down Without Dislocating: Sex with EDS

[Header Image Description: A photo of my hips. I am wearing dark blue boxer shorts, the black leather Aslan Leather Jaguar Harness, and a shimmering gold Godemiche Ambit.]

Probably every sex blogger ever has said this, but sex should be fun. Unfortunately, for a lot of physically disabled people, having fun sex is easier said than done. I live with the hypermobile type of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and some of the other comorbidities. Among other symptoms, this means I experience frequent subluxations (partial dislocations) of my joints. This is not only painful but affects the use and range of movement I have of my joints. There isn’t much on the internet about having sex while EDS, so while this post isn’t by any means comprehensive, it’s a collection of my experiences and advice from other EDSers I know. All advice in this post is not intended to replace any professional medical advice. I am a person with a vulva and vagina, so this post will be aimed at people with that set up, but some of the advice around strap on sex may be useful for people who penetrate with their penis. The considerations I have made are based on my own symptoms, and may include things that you or your partner(s) do not need to think about, and miss things that you do need to take into account.

Short Stuff: On Absences

[Header Image Description: My disability kit, consisting of a dark green theracane, a copy of “Living Life to the Fullest With Ehlers Danlos Syndrome” by Kevin Muldowney, my black ABS pressure point abdominal stretcher, and a little keyring with the self propelling wheelchair symbol on it that my sibling made me.]

I don’t want to write a big post about this, but I feel like I can’t drop off the face of the earth for, what, four months? and not address it.

It’s probably no shock to anyone who had read, like, one of my blog posts, but I’m really, really mentally ill. I became really depressed in the middle of the year, and it became really hard to write. As I’ve said in previous posts, I was basically only writing erotica fanfiction. Then, eventually, I couldn’t even write that. I eventually got some medication that slowly pulled me out of my rut, but it killed my sex drive entirely. I’m not sure whether it was the medication itself, or my own fear at having another breakdown, but I couldn’t even think about sex anymore. Everything still felt like a chore, and I didn’t read a single blog post from another person, not even people who I have admired for years. Sex was nonexistent, masturbation was a utilitarian task, and kink was a major stressor.

So what changed?

In simple terms: I got sicker. My physical health issues have been getting progressively worse, to the point that I have finally got off my ass and sought out a diagnosis. Knowing for sure that my body was broken had the exact opposite effect to what you would expect: along with a little bit of help from The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability, I started loving my body again. I realised that if I took steps to look after my body and my mind, sex and masturbation could be enjoyable. And, as with anything in my life, once I began to enjoy it again, I wanted to write about it.

So my goal now is to do things purely for my own enjoyment. I have moved to a free hosting platform so that I no longer need to be concerned with making money from my blog. I’m just going to write when I feel like it, and remember what I love about this bizarre little vessel I’m living my life in, and all the strange and wonderful things it can do.